New Year’s Day came and went and I didn’t get the post out I intended. Truthfully, it sounded pretentious. It was a list of all the things I accomplished in 2012. There were quite a few failures on there too, but I make the list every year because it helps my perfectionist self recognize that I am making progress on my goals and in the creation of myself. This year the list felt like it should be for my eyes only.
Then the next post felt a little unsettling. It was a list of all the good hopes I have for 2013. If I am honest, there are a lot of things I’m fearful about in the upcoming year instead of hopeful. It’s kind of contrary to my generally cheerful personality, but there it is. First and foremost, my mother will not make it past the year. The aggressive cancer she has been fighting so valiantly for the last four years has finally taken over. It’s hard for me to think of life without her. It’s hard for me to think of my kid’s lives without her. She is only 55.
Yet it is impossible to stay completely sad for long. Happy, bright events continue to overwhelm my sense of love I have for this world. I have many things to look forward to and blessings far beyond those I deserve. I’m sure my mom would want me to see life this way too. That’s why this year I’m concentrating my efforts on keeping my heart open. There is too much good out there to let it shut down with sadness.
I have a word-theme picked out for every month. January is SAVOR. I plan on savoring my time with my mother, with my children, with my writing, and with all of my surroundings. Savoring is a way for me to keep my heart open to all the good available to me.
So really that is it. No goals and accomplishments are listed here this year. I have left my expectations for the future at the door. I am simply going to savor the good while I face the bad with faith and courage. Life isn’t easy, but the hard parts make us stronger and help us enjoy the sweet parts that much more.
Here’s to 2013. Whatever it may bring.